(lyrics transcribed by Cory Woods, thank you!) 1. Mundane 2. Groupie Sex 3. Left For Her 4. Victoria’s Girls 5. Laura, I Need Medicine 6. Not There At All 7. A Very Special Episode 8. Melena 9. Why Don’t Girls Like Me? 10. Human Slushy 11. Well Fucked Sailor 12. Copyright Infringement 01. Mundane It's six o' clock and I just broke my alarm clock Impressions Who needs them? I got my caffeine The field has been evacuated How was I to play? The jealousy of others is getting just a bit mundane I was workin' my way through my twenties for a wage But I'd rather come home to someone for a change My self esteem made me snort a can of Raid Neil Young was wrong, a man doesn't need a maid What he needs is someone with no damaged goods Interchangeable moods so things never get borin' And someone who'll laugh at his stupid jokes It's 5pm and I'm in the rush hour car And I wonder why stations all play commercials at the same time What am I rushin' home to If I don't even have cable Let alone someone to lay all my sarcasm on? A nice home-cooked meal is what I crave And a back window for my car to keep out the rain My self esteem made me snort a can of Raid And I'm watchin' my youth drip like urine down the drain And what I need is someone with no damaged goods Interchangeable moods so things never get borin' And someone to laugh at my stupid jokes I was runnin' my way through my twenties for a wage But I'd rather come home to someone for a change My self esteem made me snort a can of Raid And I'm watchin' my youth drip like urine down the drain And what I need is someone with no damaged goods Interchangeable moods so things never get borin' And someone to laugh at my stupid jokes What I need is someone with no damaged goods Interchangeable moods so things never get borin' And someone to laugh at my stupid jokes 02. Groupie Sex I don't want you to love me And I don't want your groupie sex And I don't care if you need me Please don't let it get more complex Than it needs to be Why can't you see That I am just too breakable? An orgasm is fakeable And I didn't cry when you left Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I can't stand the temptation Or the allure of groupie sex I've done an evaluation And I'm unhappy with your chest But when I sing I break that twig That grows inside your cranium So, please take this geranium And please just help me fix this mess The mess that comes from groupie sex Now I don't wanna cheat on my girlfriend Wait a second I'm a single man But honestly I'd nail anyone but you Does it mean I'm kinda nailin' you, too? Rock! Na-nanananananana Nananananananana Nananananananana Nananananananana When I sing I break that twig That grows inside your cranium So, please take this geranium And please just help me fix this mess The mess that comes from groupie sex The mess that comes from groupie sex 03. Left for Her Well, there's a lot of reasons I don't wanna talk to you And one of them is your new girlfriend I didn't waste any time When I found you like an idiot I hope you make the same mistake So here's to hoping She breaks your will to live And you sleep alone like me Or maybe you'll pick up The phone and try to call me And I'll laugh as hard As hard can be Because you left me for a woman And now you're getting fat And I could not be happier that your hips are boomin' And you're gettin' so fat Oh, so fat Now there are times when I miss you But I'm glad that I dissed you Before your growth spurt stopped Now your cheeks are turning pinkish And your tummy's turning piggish You could roll around in slop Now I'm no spring chicken It's not my ego trippin' But you need to quit all of your finger lickin' You used to make fun of my gut But now you've got a lot of your own You've got a lot of guts To leave me for a woman And go and get so fat Well, I could not be happier that your hips are boomin' And you're gettin' so fat Oh, so fat You left me for a woman And now you're getting fat And I could not be happier that your hips are boomin' And you're gettin' so fat Oh, so fat 04. Victoria's Girls I know Victoria's secret She keeps it under lock and key Away from me But all I had to do was ask for it And she would let me see I stained up Brenda's garters And I just found them underneath my drawer But I wasn't sure If they had ever belonged to her in high school I was known as a whore Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed Cause I get my share of cookie crumbs in my bed And you might not think it's easy being so undesirable I got a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls I stained up Brenda's nightgown The one that's still got imprints of her breasts Oh, what a mess Even when the girl was sleeping she would always dress to impress I just found Stacey's lip gloss She used to keep her mouth so slick But now she's turning tricks Oh, but when the girl was twelve She could stop a line of traffic Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed Cause I get my share of cookie crumbs in my bed And you might not think it's easy being so undesirable I got a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls Let me tell you women, you had better dress up If you wanna get with me you'd better look like a slut Cause just your naked body ain't doin' a thing for me You gotta dress up like a hooker if you wanna do anything with me I'm gonna tell all ya' all a story about a man named Jed Who was a poor mountaineer who couldn't keep his family fed And he didn't think it easy being so undesirable He didn't have a book full of secrets about all of Victoria's girls 05. Laura, I Need Medicine Got a crush on a girl Named Donna Pinciotti And I wanna take her home And play a badass game of Yahtzee Her real name is Laura And I just want another chance To not make so much noise Next time I'm goin' through her trash I'd make her a bowl of soup Just to hear the girl say thanks I'd bet fifteen million dollars That she shags like a Manx But I'm just a normal guy So I'll never get the chance To undo her polyester blouse And get into those seventies pants Oh, Laura I need medicine Laura be my vicodin Laura you're my demerol I wanna wash you down with alcohol Laura be my nembutal Laura you're my tuinol Laura is my bag of reds Oh, Laura is my favorite redhead I'm not obsessed But I just got a tattoo Of your name across my bicep And if you don't have minty breath I would get you a pack of Trident We could dress up like Kiss I wouldn't mind doin' your make-up Or we could talk about Eric And all the things that caused your break-up And I even loved you In that stupid GAP commercial And if for a second You might allow me to get personal I kept a used tube of lipstick You once threw away And now I'm gonna clone ya' Using your lips' DNA Oh, Laura I need medicine Laura be my vicodin Laura you're my demerol I wanna wash you down with alcohol Laura be my nembutal Laura you're my tuinol Laura is my bag of reds Oh, Laura is my favorite redhead I used to have another celebrity crush She went by the name of Drew Berrymore You might have heard of her before She was in a lot of bad nineties movies But one day that crush faded I fell asleep in San Diego And I awoke After having a horrible, horrible dream About her Shaving off my pubic hairs While humming the Tune to some obscure Smashing Pumpkins b-side Named “Slunk” Oh, it freaked me out But I got over it really quick And I was down in the dumps for months, though What brought me back? Laura Prepon Now the skies are sunny And we all have more traditional family values My life would be nothing without you, Laura Laura... I need medicine And a question crossed my mind While I watched your rerun tapes I just gotta know Does the carpet match the drapes? Laura I need medicine Laura be my vicodin Laura you're my demerol I wanna wash you down with alcohol Laura be my nembutal Laura you're my tuinol Laura is my bag of reds Oh, Laura let me give you head 06. Not There at All Your favorite albums make me swoon I gotta clean my ears to sing for you But time and space get in our way You parted your teeth just to say that This year has been so hard And you can't say anything that you don't mean You thought I'd forget about your birthday I couldn't do anything quite so mean I only know how to speak this fast When I'm covering up the fact That the truth of the matter is that I don't know What I'm talking about So if you wanna be tucked in, you wanna be bathed I can do those things And I can always stick around Not ever being there at all My incentive to quit cigarettes Is somewhere in Georgia, I must admit It wouldn't matter if it were Germany I still couldn't make my lighter work It doesn't work as well as words that I mean but I oughta say Like cliche "I love you" sentences My house is kinda messy but I'll clean it for you I only know how to speak this fast When I'm covering up the fact That the truth of the matter is that I don't know What I'm talking about So if you wanna be tucked in, you wanna be bathed I can do those things And I can always stick around Not ever being there at All I ever wanted was Someone who'd inspire love songs So I could mean them for once I only know how to speak this fast When I'm covering up the fact That the truth of the matter is that I don't know What I'm talking about So if you wanna be tucked in, you wanna be bathed I can do those things And I can always stick around Not ever being there at all 07. A Very Special Episode I compare this to A fork stuck in the road It's hard to separate us When we're cut from the same mold And I could have made a joke To try and make you laugh And take the first step To let the past just be the past But we were the same car But in two different lanes But I'm too much of a lawyer To take a bit of blame You're a beautiful seagull And I'm an Alka-Seltzer bar You're just like the frog I kept trapped in a jar So this is the cliffhanger Now the season's complete We might get back together On next year's sweeps And all of the viewers Are feeling shortchanged By two more lovers Indefinitely estranged I had too much to think last night I worked up the courage to fight Now I'm the cheese that stands alone You can call me provolone I can't believe that I Was so mean to you I called you names I was browbeating you So this is the cliffhanger Now the season's complete We might get back together On next year's sweeps And all of the viewers Are feeling shortchanged By two more lovers Indefinitely estranged We were on the same plane But in different classes Flying to different ends Of this planet's axis We were two disc jockeys On opposing stations Now I have to play doctor With a different patient So this is the cliffhanger Now the season's complete We might get back together On next year's sweeps And all of the viewers Are feeling shortchanged By two more lovers Indefinitely estranged 08. Melena Melena Someone with your eyes Should never have to take the time To ever talk to a guy Like me that vies for your attention And asks you so many questions To find out what you are like Melena You don't follow indie masses I wanna drive you to all your classes And you don't even wear glasses But you've got green eyes And that together with your smile And a guy like me could become a stalker And I wanna wring your shirt into a glass To swallow all your beads of sweat If I could write music as beautiful as you are Maybe you'd notice me Melena I know you're painfully shy But there's a magnetic pull to your side And it keeps me ramblin' on all night About the way you flip your hair Your blue and purple hair My mother wouldn't even care if I wanna ring your shirt into a glass To swallow all your beads of sweat If I could write music as beautiful as you are Maybe you'd notice me Melena Oh Melena Oh Melena. Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo Melena Why won't you call me back? I wrote my number on your cigarette pack Well I'm smitten and that's a fact That you have probably noticed A heart like mine is always brokest And it's ailing for your...patch? Oh Melena Oh Melena Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo 09. Why Don't Girls Like Me? Did you ever wake up With the prospect That nobody of The opposite sex Is gonna call you When you get home from work? And did you ever spend a day off by yourself Because nobody of The opposite sex Cared if you were Free that night or not? Well, if so, I think that you and I should go bowling And moan about our problems and our exes and our break ups And where we keep on goin' wrong Maybe it's the fact that I'm slightly overweight Or all the girls that want me are underage Oh, maybe... Oh, just maybe... Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me that way? Someone asked me what kind of girl I might seek I said I'd settle For one who likes me And she says "I guess I'm not your type" Cause girls are fickle And maybe that's why They'd rather gouge out Their own eyes With a toothpick than to ever take me home Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me that way? Did you notice that I just changed keys? Well, girls don't care about things like these But, if you did can I take you home for something to eat? I gotta a ragged-out car so it's not much fun To go crusin' 'round in the Florida sun But I got the coolest record collection that you're ever gonna see We could get a bottle of Boone's Farms And you could fall asleep in my arms Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me that way? Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me? Oh, why don't girls like me that way? 10. Human Slushy Sixteen year-old human slushy Just now comfortable in her own skin Comes out of the woodwork and verbalizes Hopin' that the words will stick but Boy, you'd better grow out of this phase There's some things in life that you just can't have But you're lonely and that's the trouble with things Keep burning yourself on the same frying pans And she's calling just enough to keep you guessing And saying just enough to make you want her And she's keeping you from getting anything done With each fantasy you bring your own hurt Oh, your own hurt College girl, indie rock princess She wants to put you at the top of her Simplex You've all taken her home after shows So I already know that Boy, you can't get into this phase You can't keep her if you broke up your band But she's lonely and that's the trouble with things You never thought you were this kind of man And she's calling just enough to keep you guessing And saying just enough to make you want her And she's keeping you from getting anything done With each fantasy you bring your own hurt Oh, your own hurt Cause I've stretched my libido past the breaking point I'm 24 and I can't keep my hands off of myself Schizophrenic barstool hotties I don't care if you notice that I'm alive I know it's best to keep my distance So you can keep your coke and your smile but Boy, I'm glad I grew out of that phase Now I can just look back and laugh But if you're lonely and that's the trouble with things There's an attitude I don't understand If she's calling just enough to keep you guessing And saying just enough to make you want her She's keeping you from getting anything done With each fantasy And she's calling just enough to keep you guessing And saying just enough to make you want her And she's keeping you from getting anything done With each fantasy you bring your own hurt 11. Well-Fucked Sailor I saw the girl I'm seein' Seein' three guys at once And I saw in all eight of their eyes The reasons that I'm scared of ever Fallin' in love And I'm still seein' her I'm still kissin' her Despite these awkward feelings I feel I'm seein' all of her flaws I'm seein' my mistakes And I'm seein' I was wrong I saw the girl that gave birth to my daughter Lyin' in a hospital gown Just another shinin' example Of takin' that bottle and drinkin' it down And she's doin' fine And they're doin' fine If you can call it that, they're doin' fine She took my little girl away from me And I sleep alone And I sleep all day And I'm tired of feelin' awkward And I'm tired of feelin' this used Tired of only ever bein' attracted to The most fucked-up girl in any given room I saw my mother gettin' smacked around By this guy that didn't really even want her around And I was a little to young to do much of anything But I see a little of that In how I treat girls today And my age is constantly increasin' My libido is slowly decreasin' It doesn't want an audience But it knows that all the world's a stage And it's tired of feelin' awkward And it's tired of feelin' this used Tired of only ever bein' attracted to The most fucked-up girl in any given room Well, I'm tryin' to quit drinkin' And I'm tryin' to quit smokin' Tryin' to kick my ass into simply cleanin' up my house And just make myself a better person For my sake For your sake For my daughter's sake And hell, for the world's sake But I'd be better off in a trailer lately I'm nothin' but a well-fucked sailor lately I'm actin' so dumb I oughta be beaten I should be cooked And then be eaten I'm tired of feelin' awkward And I'm tired of feelin' this used Tired of only every bein' attracted to The most fucked-up girl in any given room I saw the girl I'm seein' Seein' three guys at once And I saw in all eight of their eyes The reasons that I'm scared of ever Fallin' in love 12. Charles in Charge New boy in the neighborhood Lives upstairs and it's understood that He's there just to take good care of me Like he's one of the family Charles in charge of our days and our nights Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights And I sing, "I want Charles in charge of me." Charles in charge of our days and our nights Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights And I sing, "I want Charles in charge of me." (Selections from One Planned Slip... Live!) Stairway to Rudolph Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer Had a very shiny nose And if you ever saw it you'd say it glows All of the other reindeer Used to laugh and call him names They'd never let poor Rudolph join any reindeer games Oo-hoo-hoo hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo And they'd never let him join in any reindeer games And then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came around to say, "Rudolph with your nose so bright, yeah Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Now all the reindeer love him so And they shouted out with glee Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer You'll go down down in history You'll go do-o-o-o-own In history Mall Sluts with Cell Phones Daddy wants to keep track of me so He bought me a beeper I wrote your name inside a heart On the front of my Trapper Keeper And I don't need to chew Bubblicious I'm already magically delicious Cause I'm a mall slut with a cell phone How 'bout you? We'll do it on the floor While we're listening to Blink 182 What's my age again? If you ever wanna reach me You can call me on that pager And you can take the girl out of the ghetto But that ain't gonna change her It was not quite a year ago I was watchin' Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers Cause I'm a mall slut with a cell phone Who pretends to be bisexual We'll do it in the bathroom stall While we're listening to Mystikal Show me what you're working with! I only went to see Star Wars 2 Cause I heard that N'Sync was in it I'm not quite yet a woman But at least I've hit double digits Eddie's Soup Oh, partially hydrogenated soy bean oil And chicken broth Ooo Tasty chunks of tomatoes That float to the top Hoo-oo-oo And Campbell's soup is Mmm-mmm good I'm Eddie Vedder, man You can't find a better can To fit my gourmet taste I open up a can Oh, I'm a Campbell's man Chunky is a waste Doo-doo-doot-doot doo doo doo Doo-doo-doot-doot doo doo doo Wow, try to forget soup Oh, Chicken and Stars Woah, Chicken and Rice Yeah yeah yeah yeah Mama didn't give me enough attention Didn't give me chicken and rice when I was sick So I'm whinin' for the rest of my life Wooooooo My Campbell's soup Spoke in class today Blowjob Queen That stupid cunt Gives the best head in Orlando Though I haven't experienced it yet It's just what I've heard Vroom! And when she described Her oral proficiency to me It was enough to make me stop And say, "Word" One thing I never thought is What she could to with her epiglottis I just rhymed "thought is" With "epiglottis" And that shit came off the top of my fuckin' head, y'all Reow! One hard act to follow Is when she gargles before she swallows Oh, she's Orlando's blowjob queen Lemme tell you 'bout a stupid cunt Who gives the best head in Orlando Calrissian He was the guy from the second installment of Star Wars Reow! It was Empire Strikes Back And it wasn't as good as the first or the third one But it was better than The Phantom Menace But that cunt wasn't in it She was a fast machine She kept her motor clean That stupid cunt Is Orlando's blowjob queen You and Me Should Go Away I'm tired of (breathing) I'm tired of (walking) I'm tired of (eating) I'm tired of (talking) I'm tired of (singing) I'm tired of (everything) You and me should go away I'm tired of (sleeping) I'm tired of (hurrying) I'm tired of (driving) I'm tired of (worrying) I'm tired of (running) I'm tired from everything You and me should go away I'm sick of not being with you all alone I'm sick of not talking to you on the phone I'm sick not caring about anyone But you and me should go away I'm sick of bemoaning the chances I blew I'm sick of believing that love isn't true I'm sick of myself but I'm not sick of you You and me should go away I'm tired of drinking I'm tired of buying I'm tired of thinking I'm tired of crying I'm sick of this song and I love you, so please honey! You and me should go away You and me should go away You and me should go away You and me should go away Monkeys Comin' Outta Yo' Ass I went to the zoo Just the other day I dropped seven tabs of acid I was on my way All I wanted to do Was just make you moan But you had monkeys comin' outta yer ass You had monkeys comin' outta yer ass So I ate a fudgesicle And a big sno cone But then your face started meltin' into Your cellular phone Oh baby I need to be held I feel so alone Cause you got monkeys comin' outta yer ass Oh yeah Monkeys comin' outta yer ass Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Well, you got monkeys comin' outta yer ass Oh yeah Monkeys comin' outta yer ass So like I said before, all I wanted to do was just make you moan But then you turned into Yoda and it was fucked up So I took a little Vallium Just to calm my nerves But the San Diego Zoo It had way too many curves And this guy next to me was eatin' spaghetti And it turned into worms And you had monkeys comin' outta yer ass Oh yeah Monkeys comin' outta yer ass Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Monkeys, fuckin' monkeys Well you got monkeys comin' outta yer ass Oh yeah Monkey comin' outta yer ass Now this is where I'm gonna need your participation I need you guys to say this: Monkeys comin' outta yer ass Your turn! (Monkeys comin' outta yer ass) Do it a little louder (Monkeys comin' outta yer ass) Now just the guys (Monkeys comin' outta yer ass) Now just the girls (Monkeys comin' outta yer ass) Now in Spanish (Monos saliendo de culo!) Monos saliendo de culo Monos saliendo de culo Monos saliendo de culo Well, you had monkeys comin' outta yer ass Music Can Heal We've all heard that story Of the sad clown Who wants everyone to smile Well I been that sad clown Might think I'm kidding, but you didn't Really listen to my songs See I got a soft spot For any kitty cat With a broken leg I forget I'm allergic I take it home and pet it Nurse it to health At my own expense I sing: One, two, three, four, five, six One, two, three, four, five, six I pay attention to the little things And now I've fallen behind The big picture of life I've been ignoring these things of importance Now who's gonna fix me? Who's gonna fix me? Someone sing me a song for once Make the pain stop Make me feel like I'm wanted Tell my daughter I loved her If the hurt gets too much And I drink myself to death Every bottle I finish at night Makes my heart sing But it's keeping me alive But beer ain't got nothin' on a song Music can heal Lyrics can kill Draw me a picture And use Every single crayon In the box And I'll get my car keys Or we can find a lake and stare at the evening While laying on a blanket Well, it don't take much more "Hello, how are you?" Just a simple phone call Baby, we don't have to make love Just hold me tonight And let me bum your cigarettes And sing: One two three four five six Someone sing me a song for once Make the pain stop Make me feel like I'm wanted Tell my daughter I loved her If the hurt gets too much And I drink myself to death Every bottle I finish at night Makes my heart sing And it keeps me alive But beer ain't got nothin' on a song Music can heal Lyrics can kill Break me in half Stitch me back up Kiss me for luck Help me stand up Make me a good man A good father Make me someone you trust Someone fix me for once Someone sing me a song for once Make the pain stop Make me feel like I'm wanted Tell my daughter I loved her If the hurt gets too much And I drink myself to death All these bottles I been finishin' at night Make my heart sing But they're keeping me alive But beer ain't got nothin' on a song Music can heal Lyrics can kill (Hey Rape Girl, Vol. 1) MWS You don't need the money this week But you've still got a hankering to go down Town To see the boys You've seen them all in 18 years Seen enough Levi's close-up To last a lifetime You're the girl that hasn't drank anything from a bottle Yet, tonight You've got a permanent scar on your upper lip And you swear it's from getting punched as a child Punch the clock, I'll pay for Your attention, lock my car on your way in And I'll roll the windows up Some guys don't wanna talk And that's fine with you as long as they Promise not to leave a bad taste in your mouth There's a room and it leads to an alley And in between is the bathroom stall That you wrote your number hoping Someone would like your offer And give you a call Teeth are the only thing that separate you from Being 65 and perfect It takes a lifetime to get to wherever you are But only takes a minute to stain the rug Punch the clock, I'll pay for Your attention, lock my car on your way in And I'll roll the windows up Some guys don't wanna talk And that's fine with you as long as they Promise not to leave a bad taste in your mouth So love like you've never been burnt and Work like you don't need the money and Love like you've never been burnt and Work like you don't need the money and... Chasing the Bug You don't like girls at all The boys want you For one thing But that's the norm Don't speak when you are spoken to If they're lucky You might respond With your watery And teary eyes Your slight bit of karma It ran over my dogma Your demons Are fit to be tied up It makes you want to throw up But that's the allure You're dirty like you're chasing the bug With connections like this Who needs an enema? You wanna cross The most personal line? Leave a message Stating your desires You know mine You already know mine You're kicking cigarettes But you don't smoke The alleyway is now a lifelong drug It's gritty and nightmarish And every trip is different You're dirty like you're chasing the bug If you impregnate me I won't bear a child I'll give the world A poisoned fruit My body is a temple That arsonists are burning down I'll kneel At my very own pew My clergy, my rabbi My baptismal pool I will worship with my knees on the rug Bless me when I return To the evils of the world I'm dirty like I'm chasing the bug The congregation Holds my head under the water Until the bubbles stop rising up And I won't be saved Until the liquid fills my lungs I'm dirty like I'm chasing a bug Hey Rape Girl I want to give up the control that I've attained By having no control at all I'm sick of spending nights by the computer screen Waiting for the mailbox to glow If you don't make demands I can't respond In fact I probably won't I can't make new friends because they just won't comprehend How I would sell myself but I won't even smoke Stay in for days and then come out at night to play "Hey! Rape girl!" is the theme of your campaign Keep me for days and then just throw me away "Hey! Rape girl!" is what all of the boys say A beer bong of wine might get me drunk I'd rather feel the sting of a new scar If it don't get me off I'll go out looking goth And watch him fuck the strings of his guitar I know I'm self-caged and I can be contained I'm like chilled juice in a Thermos with a crack I don't mind the whip but I prefer your bare fist To lay me out with no dignity intact Stay in for days and then come out at night to play "Hey! Rape girl!" is the theme of your campaign Keep me for days and then just throw me away "Hey! Rape girl!" is what all the boys say Stay in for days and then come out at night to play "Hey! Rape girl!" is the theme of your campaign Keep me for days and then just throw me away "Hey! Rape girl!" is what all the boys say She Love the B-Sides She's up against the guardrail Wearin' our old t-shirt The one I used to sell out of the back of our RV She smiles through sound check To the bass reverberations And knows all the variations of our set list on this tour She bought a bunch of merch Before we played a single note She walked here all alone to watch us be the opening band I put the pick to my guitar And sing "La-la-la-la-la" And she repeats the words in awe at the top of her lungs She knows the words to all the songs Even the bad ones Especially the songs that I can't stand Our biggest hit She says it's her best friend We say goodnight I think she's our biggest fan She runs a fansite Just in her spare time And the message board is nice but the Java's gotta go She quotes our lyrics On a page in her LiveJournal She's so maternal bringin' us dinner on the road She knows the words to all the songs Even the bad ones Especially the songs that I can't stand Our biggest hit She says it's her best friend We say goodnight I think she's our biggest fan She shakes my hand After our short set And says that she's upset that we don't play b-sides anymore I give her my number And I take hers in exchange And I promise that someday I'll play them for her on the phone. Every Inch of You Tell me that you love me Tell me things you won't tell anyone I don't care what desire is But I can probably fill it Don't ask about my bedroom Cause you won't find answers there It's got sparkles, glitter, metallic stars Rockets, toys, just say That I could love each inch of you And still not know a thing about you You can take a sleeping pill And just get through tonight Well, life's just something That I do to pass the time The only thing that's real and free Is when I cannot breathe I don't really like men I just like the whole damn species And sparkles, glitter, metallic stars Rockets, toys, all that fun stuff And I could love each inch of you And still not know a thing about you And you can take a sleeping pill And just get through tonight I slap myself to masturbate I try to break the skin The bruises on my face are trophies I can love you selflessly But I return the calls Of anyone who finds my website And give them sparkles, glitter, metallic stars And rockets, toys, all that fun stuff Cause I could love each inch of you And still not know a thing about you And you can take a sleeping pill And just get through tonight And if doctors put you into tubes Study every inch of you And I'd still love each inch of you Every single inch of you Long Distance Dedication She acts surprised To hear his voice on the telephone And says "Silly boy, don't ever scare me like that" She seems so comfortless When she's on the telephone And says "October is only two months away" Then she says "If you need to get away And ever want to rustle up the dirty bed you've made Come to Chicago and share a warm bed for a change" Does she sleepwalk? Does she need to be held to get to sleep? Would she wake me up at 3 AM to offer something to drink? Does she slow down When it's too much for her weary feet? Does she stay up thinking of when I'm thinking about her and me? I'll take a plane because I need to get away from Running on fumes and bumming friend's spare change I'll go to Chicago and have a warm meal for a change I'd never thought of you as others do "Innocent" and "untainted" never crossed my mind If you think I'm delusional, that's fine But if life permitted I'd give you what's left of the best years of my life. Of my life She acts surprised When he hangs up the telephone And says "Silly boy, you don't know me at all" She seems so effortlessly Whimsical and charming and gorgeous and all of the above But October is just too far away When she moans like... And then she says: Love like you've never been burnt Work like you don't need the money And kiss like your tongue is on fire Love like you've never been burnt Suck like you don't need the money Fuck like your body's on fire Love like you've never been burnt Suck like you don't need the money Kiss like your tongue is on fire Love like you've never been burnt Work like you don't need the money Kiss like your tongue is on fire