Los Cronocrímenes (2007)
Writer/Director: Nacho Vigalondo
Cinematographer: Flavio Martínez Labiano

I did my best to spend time at the Florida Film Festival in Orlando earlier this month, but every time I did, I sorta ended up at the Enzian’s new outdoor bar, drinking overpriced beer and socializing. The veranda would empty as everyone filed into the theater to see a documentary about drag queens or Snow Angels or some other movie, but whenever I could make it to the fest, there was nothing playing I really felt like seeing. I caught the International Shorts program (of which only one film was any good: a film from Sweden called Situation Frank which you should do everything in your power to see as soon as possible), but eventually I figured, “You know, I really should just go see whatever is about to play, regardless of what it is.” That film turned out to be Los Cronocrímenes (or Timecrimes, for the uncultured among you).

Los Cronocrímenes (which I will just call Timecrimes from now on, k?) didn’t really interest me much, either. All I knew is it was a time travel movie. I don’t like time travel movies, generally speaking. The whole subject is one of those things that, although I know I’m watching complete science-fiction, there’s only so long I can keep my disbelief suspended (or, in some cases, simply bound and gagged). Sure, time travel is impossible. I can get past that. But when people are running around willy nilly in the past and the film doesn’t even play by its own rules (see: any time travel movie ever), I tune out. Only the Back to the Future films work at all for me, and that’s only because they’re funny. They’re the worst about actually making a slight bit of sense, even within their own universe. And I like Primer in theory, but I’ll come back to that in a minute.

So, great. Time travel movie from Spain. Whatever. Let’s do it.

Well, as it turns out, Timecrimes was pretty great, actually. I wasn’t sure what I thought at first, but the more I’ve thought about the film, it’s grown on me considerably, and I’d watch it again, for certain. I can say this definitively: if you like time travel fiction, you will love this film. Never mind the sorta terrible title (it’s fun to say in a deep, menacing voice: “TIIIIIIIME CRIIIIIIIIIMES!!!!!”), this is a pretty slick little film.

Hector is a pretty regular guy. He’s just moving into his new house in the country with his wife. Sitting outside in a lawn chair with his binoculars, he surveys his new, seemingly neverending back yard. But then he spies a naked woman out in the woods, standing perfectly still. He goes to investigate, and finds her laying against a rock, motionless, but still breathing. He approaches cautiously, but is suddenly, violently stabbed in the arm by a madman in a trench coat, his face wrapped in pink bandages.

There’s your set-up. I think that’s all I’m going to tell you. I suggest not reading much more for maximum enjoyment. I thought I had the film figured out when the madman appeared. I could see the big twist ending climax, bandages removed, his identity revealed. “Ha, I knew it all along. Yawn.” Well, it turns out that I was right. Only, they reveal that about 20 minutes in. That’s when I realized this isn’t a film trying to hide something from you at all. No big twist ending or anything like that, really. I expected gimmicky. I actually got a pretty upfront and confident story. Well thought out, tightly knit, and probably the best treatment of time travel I’ve seen in modern fiction.

It sounds like it’s going to be a pretty intense picture, and it sorta can be, but mostly it’s just very engaging and very funny. Not in an outright comedic way; nobody’s getting kicked in the crotch. But Hector (played by Karra Elejalde) absolutely sells this picture. His somewhat bumbling but completely believable everyman character makes even the most questionable moments easy to swallow. There was a lot of laughter in the theater, lots of applause when something unexpected would happen. Director, writer, and co-star Nacho Vigalondo doesn’t waste our time making something super dark and brooding. You could do it with this story, but why? Why not make something entertaining? The whole package works shockingly well. Sure, I could probably nitpick it just like you could any time travel movie, but I can’t think of any other time travel film that holds as much water as this does. It really is well thought out, and the audience is rewarded for it.

Which sorta brings me back to Primer. The Sundance hit from a few years back is pretty much seen as the time travel movie benchmark these days. I don’t understand why. I like its cinematic approach, for the most part, but anything they’re actually trying to say and do (which, ultimately, is nothing more than just make a time travel movie), they obscure behind extreme close-ups, complex-yet-empty physics jargon, and intentional gaps in the story. Some people like that they leave so much for you to figure out by basically not explaining anything. I really just don’t think they knew what they were doing. Seriously, more power to low-budget filmmaking, that’s what I love best about Primer. But, as far as science-fiction or time travel fiction goes, it’s weak because the filmmakers don’t seem to have any confidence in what they’re doing. It’s interesting completely by accident. In a post-Lynch cinematic landscape, we seem to mistake poorly communicating with your audience for mystery and complexity.

And that’s really where Timecrimes succeeds. Vigalondo and company seem to have nothing to hide. It deals with pretty much all of the same issues as Primer, only it does it in an entertaining and transparent way. Nitpick the movie, go ahead. You’ll still be surprised at how it holds up. For such a lean, mean motion picture, Timecrimes really does pack a proverbial punch.

I walked out and my first thought was, “Well, that’s getting remade in America within the next 18 months.” It’s that kind of film. I don’t want anyone to remake it for English audiences, but the story is so strong and the film already so entertaining that Hollywood would sort of be stupid not to steal it. I got home and looked up the film online. I was right already. Rights have been purchased, Vigalondo is directing it himself, and it’s supposed to come out late next year. That says less about my knowledge of how Hollywood works than it does about Timecrimes. It’s a film that’s going to have wide appeal, no question. It’s fun and it’s original, end of story. I just wish that they’d cast Elejalde in the lead again, as he really is instrumental to the film’s success. But, you know, it’ll probably be Jude Law and Naomi Watts, right? Aren’t those the ones you call when you need to remake something?

Regardless, the original (superior? can we just assume that now?) version of Timecrimes is running around the festival circuit right now and is supposed to hit DVD sometime later this year. If you can track it down, I definitely recommend it, it’s well worth the time, especially for fans of Lost or Primer or these sort of things. It’s a cult classic in the making, without a doubt.

Ultimately, I learned two lessons watching Timecrimes. One, don’t judge a film by its description in a film festival program. And, two, if you’re sitting outside your house and you see a naked woman in the woods, just let it go. Tempting, I know, but your day will be easier in the long run. Class dismissed, go see Timecrimes.