When I meet another fan of Bob Pollard, nine times out of ten they turn out to be a fan that has been out of the loop since the mid-fi Guided By Voices era. You know, somewhere between 1996-99, between Under The Bushes, Under The Stars and Do The Collapse. Some point to the fact that they couldn’t keep up with the glut of material Pollard put out into the world during that time period - and understandably so… nobody could’ve predicted that this guy would become as he prolific as he is now way back when - but more often than not, I hear them mention that they just don’t like his new stuff as much as “the old stuff”. When I catch that statement, I’m usually assuming they mean that they either are mad that Bob left behind the four-track whimsy of the epochal Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes to try out some other ways of making music, but more often than not, it’s because Bob’s instantly memorable stuff started to get a bit more spread out on the jillions of releases under twice as many nomenclatures.

Simply put, the songs weren’t as catchy as they wanted them to be, and these hipsters moved onto some other records. I feel bad for those people, because they’re missing out on some wonderful experimental pop/rock that’s almost always rewarding and original - you know, the guy couldn’t write “Tractor Rape Chain” forever - but then again, if all of those pedestrian fans had stuck around, I’d probably have a much harder time getting copies of somee of his best limited edition releases. I guess it works out in the long run, even if only in selfish ways.

However, to all of those backslidden fans, I have to say this: Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love is full of so many creamy pop gems that… well, if you can give it five spins without calling it a pop masterpiece, you’re simply being difficult. There’s nothing about this sixteen-track wonder that doesn’t deliver the catchy, anthemic guitar-rock goods. Dammit, if there was any justice in the world, this album would be getting all of the advance notice awarded to Radiohead albums that don’t exist yet, and all of the accolades blogs lavish upon freak-folksters that are just a bunch of Daniel Smith copycats. If the world was a fair and just place, Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love would get Pollard on the cover of formerly cool magazines that nobody reads anymore, and it’d have more radio singles than Boston’s debut and Invisible Touch combined.

Why would I make those comparisons? Because there’s *nothing* about this album that isn’t accessible if you like rock music, period. It’s tastefully produced by the ever-present Todd Tobias, the songs are almost uniformly immediate - something that can’t always be said for Pollards work, no matter how much I enjoy the Psycho & The Birds stuff - and nearly each tune comes equipped with a chorus scientifically formulated to stick in your craw for days on end. Of course, you won’t be hearing any of the six or so singles from this album on your local rock station, though. And it isn’t because songs like the gorgeous “Slow Hamilton” or the meditative “Life Of A Wife” aren’t ready for maintream radio… it’s because radio isn’t ready for songs to be this effortlessly good and original.

Go ahead, play just the opening “Our Gaze” and see if you can hold off from seeing what comes after the “our gaze is on the future” chorus towards the end of the track. Or really, spin the two-minute “Pnumbra” and come up with a way to argue that this seemingly inconsequential track - with yet another unbelievable set of harmonies framing the fade out chorus - wouldn’t be the proudest moment in nearly any other indie rock artists oeuvre.

But, no… Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love won’t be heralded as a return to form in the eyes of the lapsed fan. You won’t see Bob giving any award speeches for the album. Pitchfork ain’t gonna put it in their “Best New Music From Bands We Know Personally” column. Not because Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love isn’t a fucking pop masterpiece from start to finish, but because Bob puts out quality music wayyy more often than the average music consumer can handle it. If they truly sat down and tried to process this album mentally, comparing it to other things they might have considered “brilliant” in the meantime, there’s a very good chance that there would be a rash of indie rock fans/bandmembers commiting mass suicide. Not just because they won’t be able to believe just how much time they’ve spent listening to and creating overhyped garbage, but also because they’ll never find a better contemporary artist… period.

So yes, Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love will make your head explode with thirty-seven minutes of the best songs that hadn’t been written yet. It’s gonna make a lot of other albums in your collection sound utterly useless in comparison, and you need to own it.

Seriously, people. Go to an actual record store manned by human beings, buy this album in a tangible format that requires shrinkwrapping being removed from the product, take it home and have your mind blown old-school style… because Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love is the type of record that us jagged indie types never thought we’d see again. Well, it’s here. Get in on the ground floor and take advantage of it for once!

Robert Pollard - Current Desperation (Angels Speak Of Nothing).mp3

You can stream all of Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love at Merge’s site, and buy it there if you really, really don’t want to leave the house!