I’m tired of, oh, the last twenty-five years worth of reactions to the 1981 film Shock Treatment. It’s a little film that seems to have a fanbase that consists of myself and about a handfull of other people. Years of badmouthing have turned Shock Treatment into a film remembered by people (who mostly haven’t even sat through a quarter of it) as a travesty bestowed upon the earth serving little purpose beyond tarnishing the unfettered legacy of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and all of it’s subsequent money-grubbing ventures. But before you sit down to watch the brand-new DVD version of Shock Treatment, there are some important hurdles you must jump through in order to properly understand it. Oh, surely the movie is able to stand fine on it’s own without an explanation, right? No. Thanks to a bunch of people who prefer to oversimplify everything, you’ll already have too many expectations and rumors running around in your brain to deal with what happens between the opening and closing credits without resorting to the easy-way-out of saying it ‘wasn’t as good as Rocky Horror Picture Show’. So… here’s a handy guide on how to enjoy Shock Treatment without hating it:

1. Don’t expect another Rocky Horror Picture Show, but if you must… remember this: Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t very good. If it is, it’s purely by accident. When Richard O’Brien and Jim Sharman set out to turn a fairly popular play into a film, they simply wanted to make a nod to all the B films they could think of. So, yeah… at the heart of it, RHPS kinda blows. Sure, it’s lots of fun to go get drunk and do the Time Warp in the aisles of a theater with a bunch of half-dressed teenagers, but overall? Yeah, this isn’t exactly the finest cinema has to offer, folks. Let’s keep it in perspective. RHPS is original and what the fan cult made it into is pretty astounding, but can you enjoy it as a movie? You know, at home on the couch with a bucket of popcorn? Not so much. You’ll be too busy explaining to your buddy why this movie is ’sooo much more awesome in the theater, dude’ to bother noticing that the plot is easy to follow but you still might need to read the back of the box to figure out what’s actually happening. So, yeah.

2. Brad & Janet are played by different actors in Shock Treatment. Get over it: Barry Bostwick couldn’t play Brad because he was busy. Susan Sarandon couldn’t play Janet because she’s greedy and wanted more money than the film was worth to reprise her previous role. It doesn’t matter. You’re checking in on Brad and Janet six years after you’ve last seen them. Now their roles have reversed, their marriage is failing and they are miserable. They look different because they ARE different people now. I can’t stress enough that this is usually what will immediately turn people off to the film. If you can get over this hurdle, you’re well on your way to realizing this film’s potential.

3. There’s hardly any sex in Shock Treatment, and there’s no crossdressing. So what?: If your primary gripe with Shock Treatment is the lack of physical contact between characters and that there aren’t any men in lipstick, go get some she-male porn. You’re obviously looking for something more than mainstream cinema is going to be able to offer you. There’s also a good chance that you have some repressed sexual issues, and you’re putting too much stress on a sequel/equal/follow-up to expect to receive the type of reassurance you need. All of these things were covered in RHPS. This is a different film altogether. Next.

4. Nope, Tim Curry isn’t here: Yup, that’s right. No Frank-N-Furter. He’s dead. So is Rocky. So is Eddie. They aren’t in any position to be in this film, being deceased and all, so don’t get your hopes up for cameos or unanswered questions being resolved for you. The point of Shock Treatment is that some fairly heavy stuff happened to Brad and Janet and they’ve never been the same. Trust me, they’re just as confused as you, the viewer, are.

5. The Shock Treatment songs aren’t as immediately catchy, but they are flat-out better… over time: It’s pretty clear that Richard O’Brien was going through some heavy personal stuff in the lyrics to the songs in Shock Treatment. For this reason, the songs tend to resonate a bit more than, say, “Sword Of Damocles” or “Eddie’s Teddy”. It’s true that the songs sound more than just a bit dated in 2006, but in 1981 they sounded juuuust fine. My personal holy grail is landing myself a copy of O’Brien’s ST demos. I almost feel like I could stop collecting records altogether should I ever find that specific nugget.

6. People mostly didn’t start understanding Shock Treatment until the late nineties: I can say the following statement without any hesitation. You ready? Shock Treatment may have the most ahead-of-it’s-time plotline this side of 1984, and it’s more realisitic to boot. I can understand people in 1981 not really grasping the concept of living on television, be it in the studio audience or having your life turned into programming or having your lifestyle turned upside-down by the prospect of a new sponsor, but it ain’t so far-fetched in 2006. I’m not sure if Richard O’Brien and Jim Sharman have ever publicly acknowledged the continued relevance of the film, but it’s pretty widely assumed that they’ve both practically disowned the project altogether.

7. Most of those people that told you how bad Shock Treatment is probably haven’t seen it, and they almost certainly didn’t see it in theaters: Shock Treatment wasn’t ever distributed in wide release. There was a limited release to select cities, but it’s not like you could walk to your local theater in Macon, Georgia back in ‘81 to get your ST fix. Nope, most of us have only seen the film on horrible video prints that cut off a lot of the onscreen action. There are even reports of audiences being duped into screenings of ST when showing up to their weekly RHPS shadowcast showings at midnight. If that’s the case… I don’t blame those people for holding a grudge to this day.

8. It’s cheesy: When taken in on it’s own, Shock Treatment is a pretty devastating movie. Nothing but people being mean to each other, two-faced lying, people getting divorced or breaking up… etc. However, actors do break out into song for no apparent reason, which makes the movie a bit harder to stomach for some. Sorry, I’ve got no defense for that other than to say the following: trust me, if you try to watch this film without a few silly reprieves from the uncaring despair dished out by nearly every character, you’re gonna hurt yourself afterwards. With this in mind, you can forgive the placement of annoying fare like Janet’s “Me Of Me”.

9. Did I mention that the song lyrics are fucking awesome?: These songs aren’t exactly “Sweet Transvestite Part Two”. Dig it.

“Drift into the Treacle deep / Slip into its silent depths / With your everything akimbo / Float into the sandman’s limbo” - “Lullaby”

“Ever since I was the eina kliena heiren / It was the cordon bleu / For which I am most caring / And the one taste treat so sweet / That really can’t be beat / Is what we have, ja, how you are, caviar / That little black mess” - “Little Black Dress”

“I’m not a loco with motive to suture myself / I’ve been a cynic for too many years / Playing doctor and nurse, it can be good for your health / I’ve seen clinics with those gimmicks in Tangiers” - “Shock Treatment”

“And you’re a weeper and a whailer / Always treading on the toes of the great / Generally spreading your weight / You’re a spiteful, hateful, assinine creature / A pupil with no scruples who knew better than the teacher” - “Duel Duet”.

Yeah guys, sorry that there’s no “Time Warp”. You’ll just have to make do with, you know, thinking.

10. It’s just a movie, what did you expect?: Let’s get this straight, RHPS didn’t change anyone’s life… the cult sorrounding it did. Anyone looking for another movie to reaffirm their sexual confusion should really look into one of the many pornographic videos made in tribute to Rocky Horror. They all are terrible, of course, but it’s probably closer to what you’re looking for than Shock Treatment.

And now that the film has finally made it’s way to DVD, I highly recommend turning the lights down low and enjoy watching a brand-new transfer of one of the most criminally misunderstood films of all time. For the first time, you’ll be able to see the entire picture, as well as getting some bonus features. Those consist of a mini-documentary in which cast member Patricia Quinn admitted to having no earthly idea what the film was about, a commentary by some guys that isn’t terribly interesting, film trailers and five minutes of people going on about how much they like the songs. Hey, it’s not like 20th Century Fox was sitting on a ton of outtakes or anything, so at least we have it on DVD.

Shock Treatment may be wildly different than Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it also has better production, better acting, a better storyline, better songs… and basically stomps Rocky Horror into the flippin’ ground. It wasn’t meant for first-year drama students that joined their local Rocky cast in search of blowjobs, excuses to wear makeup and reasons to pretend to be bisexual in public without having to use Tori Amos fandom as a smokescreen. Nope, consider RHPS the undercooked prequel… Shock Treatment is the main course that people are still dissecting to this day. With good reason.

Hoopla!

The only Shock Treatment website that matters.